Wednesday #44 -Sardonic College Essay

Intellectual Curiosity

"Curiosity killed the cat," A neat little saying, but one which I pay little heed. My intellectual curiosity is sparked from more than one source, and is a driving force in my life. It is sparked by itself almost, simply because I love to learn new things. I have always enjoyed the sensation of learning a new fact or tidbit of information, the feeling of accomplishment when I can answer questions correctly and solve problems well, or that sense of intelligence when I can use sophisticated diction in either my writing, or colloquial speech. The more I learned, the more I could feel this way. Knowledge also provided a sense of security. Fear is a terrible thing, and as a child it definitely had a powerful hold over me and my imagination. I would stay up late night after night, fearful of something that could hurt me out in the dark, but the more and more I learned, the more knowledge I had, the less frightening things were. Before, I would be crippled by ignorance, but with the panacea of knowledge, I was cured. Another spark for my curiosity is my sense of identity. For as long as I have been in school, I have been one of the "smart kids," and I have come to identify myself as such. While yes, this is a label that my peers have given me, I found that I liked it, and what came with it, so I decided to keep it. In order to keep it though, I had to keep getting smarter and cleverer, and so I stayed curious, and I learned. I have also found that curiosity helped me fit in, as a leader and a friend. It is helped me cast aside fear, and so when I stepped up to be a leader, curiosity came to my aid again. Whenever I ventured into something intimidating and unknown, I would just shift that unease into a thirst for knowledge, and that is always helped pull me through, because instead of worrying over how much farther I had to go, I focused on what would be just around the bend. That curious focus helped me find friends as well, because I would ignore my awkwardness, and hide it behind my curiosity, so I could learn about someone, and who they are, instead of thinking about how they might not like me. I believe that it is sparked by the books I have read, as well. I have read of beautiful sunrises and sunsets, happy returns and bittersweet endings, and I want to experience these things for myself. I want to feel what it is like to be undeniably brave, to show up in the knick of time, and that desire has pushed me to learn about the world around in more ways than just through school, but through my life, with every sense I can learn with. The future is waiting for me, and I want to know what it has to hold, so I learn as much as I can to be ready for it. All in all, my intellectual curiosity has been a part of me, something intrinsic to my behavior, just part of my nature. It is who I am, and I would not have it any other way. Somehow, I know that it is going to be the thing that is going to bring me someplace amazing, a place that I can truly call home, a place that is just waiting for me to get there. "Curiosity killed the cat," maybe an old saying that some people may believe, but I know better. Curiosity killed the cat, but it was satisfaction that brought it back.

 Fear Itself Is Undefined
I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I've made or the fact that I can't bring the past back?
What is it that I'm afraid of?
Why am I so scared?
Is it the people I've hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I cant seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I'm scared of?
Is it the sun that sets but won't seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?
Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can't be?
The things that I try to understand?
The me that I try to be with when I'm feeling sad?
The person I'm expected to be? Is that what I fear? . . .
I think the thing I fear most . . .is me

By Bianca Flores

"The quieter you become, the more you can hear." -Ram Dass