Hello Dreamers! How are you guys doing? I hope everything is going quite nicely for you guys, I care about each of you.
So, today is the last Wednesday of this school year. The next time its Wednesday and a school day, summer will have passed, and I'll be a senior...
Despite this fact, it doesn't feel like school is almost over. In fact, it feels like school will be going on for another couple weeks, but I know that pretty soon, I'll wake up on the 11th, and I won't have to go to school (maybe then I'll write one of these early enough for people to read on Wednesday, and not Thursday).
Why is this happening? Its been almost 180 days, but I'm not getting that much of a sense of closure from school. It could be that I have a lot of work this summer, since I have to start apply to colleges, and getting scholarships, and finishing up high school affairs, but I don't think that's really it (those still kinda feel far off... even though they most certainly are not).
I think that I'm more than a little afraid of the idea of being a senior. I have to be responsible, I have a ton of difficult classes, I have so many more extra activities added onto my schedule because of senior stuff, and I have to say good bye to all of this after this year. After next Tuesday, there is no more "I'll do that next year." That simply won't exist anymore.
Am I afraid of change? Of course. Who isn't? Change is terrifying, because it's irreversible, and we have no idea what it is. We're constantly marching forward, not sure where it is we're heading, knowing that we can't ever turn back. There's no option to turn around and paddle upstream. And in this whole idea of change, and turning back, high school represents a massive turning point in that. After this, school actually becomes a job of sorts. The real world becomes an actual place, not something we fantasize about. But it's high time I stop being afraid.
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
-William Wordsworth
So, today is the last Wednesday of this school year. The next time its Wednesday and a school day, summer will have passed, and I'll be a senior...
Despite this fact, it doesn't feel like school is almost over. In fact, it feels like school will be going on for another couple weeks, but I know that pretty soon, I'll wake up on the 11th, and I won't have to go to school (maybe then I'll write one of these early enough for people to read on Wednesday, and not Thursday).
Why is this happening? Its been almost 180 days, but I'm not getting that much of a sense of closure from school. It could be that I have a lot of work this summer, since I have to start apply to colleges, and getting scholarships, and finishing up high school affairs, but I don't think that's really it (those still kinda feel far off... even though they most certainly are not).
I think that I'm more than a little afraid of the idea of being a senior. I have to be responsible, I have a ton of difficult classes, I have so many more extra activities added onto my schedule because of senior stuff, and I have to say good bye to all of this after this year. After next Tuesday, there is no more "I'll do that next year." That simply won't exist anymore.
Am I afraid of change? Of course. Who isn't? Change is terrifying, because it's irreversible, and we have no idea what it is. We're constantly marching forward, not sure where it is we're heading, knowing that we can't ever turn back. There's no option to turn around and paddle upstream. And in this whole idea of change, and turning back, high school represents a massive turning point in that. After this, school actually becomes a job of sorts. The real world becomes an actual place, not something we fantasize about. But it's high time I stop being afraid.
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
-William Wordsworth
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglas
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